Konoha's Living Saint
by bbb136
Summary: Kakashi had a sneaky suspicion that the Gods had a 'problem' with him.


Was sorting out some old files. Found this. Read this. Laughed. Had to post. ;) When I first got my account I put this up then removed it after a few weeks (for some weird reason) and have now years later, found it again. I'm reposting it as it is because I think if I edited it the magic would die. xD I suspect this counts as crack...

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

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><p><span>Konoha's living Saint.<span>

There were times when Kakashi wondered if the Gods had a _problem _with him.

Not _hate_, that was too strong a word to describe Divine Personal Views but definitely _a problem _of some kind.

He wasn't exactly an _angel _– those only existed when he was telling his team mates why he was late- but he did his fair share of good deeds, didn't he?

Just the other day Tsunade was having trouble with her paperwork, it kept piling up by the doors and overflowing in the corridor. Thank God Kakashi was there to lend a helping hand! …It was strange however that the dear Hokage was _not _pleased when she found out that all her work had been donated to the Academy for Art class by a 'mysterious good Samaritan with a naughty book'. (The last part had been whispered by a blushing pre-genin when asked to explain the paper fort and paper city they'd found in place of the classroom – Kakashi had felt rather insulted on behalf of his book by her tacked on comment. _Naughty?_)

Kakashi found it strange that there actually _was_ an art class considering it was a ninja school- but he guessed you could kill an enemy with an artistically beautiful use of paper bombs and sulphuric acid. Or maybe he had been hanging out with Gai for too long. _Anyway._

Apparently it was something about highly classified material essential to the future of the village.

Whatever.

It wasn't like Kakashi had listened to her lecture (read: verbal barrage full of death threats and graphic insults) she assembled the entire ninja force together to deliver.

Then of course there was that 'important' Lord from the Air country that was visiting last month. A short round man with droopy eyes and a pompous attitude, one of those upper class midgets who looked at everyone like they were nothing but dirt.

Now Kakashi was a practical man. He knew it was important to always speak polite, treat everyone with respect (apart from his old students because _everyone_ knows a daily torture session builds character) and most importantly: think _before_ you speak.

That last one?

He only learnt that recently.

In short the Air Lord (Airhead, as Naruto had affectionately christened him) didn't appreciate the Kakashi's advice concerning his 'prissy personality, 'obvious lack of good manners' or 'how to stop his skin from shedding'. The regal walrus almost declared a war of some kind but Tsunade managed to convince him that her copy-nin didn't _deserve_ a public execution, and that Kakashi would get an _extremely_ painful punishment fitting his _scandalous_ crime.

His porn was confiscated. For TWO WEEKS.

During that… _inhuman_ fortnight Kakashi came to the conclusion that karma _lies_ and doing gracious deeds _does not_ result in well-earned rewards.

(In truth he'd known that already but sometimes even he needed to put a little faith in something the other ninjas preached.)

There were lots of other things that the copy-nin did out of duty to his village of course; kill enemy ninja, stop heinous plots (like banning Ichi Paradise), and serve as a majestic role model complete with good morals. All in all Kakashi felt like a _saint_.

But if this logic was solid (which it was) and he _wasn't _a bad person…

Why the hell was he on the couch again?

Kakashi glared enviously at the bedroom a few feet away from him. The nerve of it, to have opaque walls hiding _his_ lover! While simultaneously plotting the doors downfall- in a silent manner obviously- the disgruntled ninja thought back a few hours.

_"Kakashi I swear this is the last straw! I've told you enough times that just popping up during class was. Not. A. Good. THING!"_

_"But Iruka love-"_

_"Don't Iruka love me! You know how unhelpful…this is when I'm teaching 6 year-olds-!"_

_"But I only wanted to say-"_

_"- with no attention span or decent manners, I've had it up to here! You know what **this** means Kakashi…"_

_And Kakashi did._

One week.

No Iruka-chan.

It was even worse than the time when Naruto was hyped up on sugar a few weeks back and had spent three days doing non-stop challenges with Rock Lee while their team-mates and Lee's 'friend' had been forced to watch. (And that had been ugly – especially when Gaara got impatient waiting for them to pass out and simply dragged a protesting Lee off the battlefield with his sand.) Kakashi had felt himself age about ten years just hearing the noise from the fights.

The copy-nin sighed and rearranged the blanket covering him and the jagged rock Iruka called a sofa. You would think by now that Kakashi would have taken the initiative gotten a comfier piece of furniture. (But he refused, he had pride after all. Plus Iruka was fond of it for some reason.)

Kakashi cuddled his dolphin plushie close and burrowed his nose in it, but then instantly chucked the offending item across the room.

It didn't even smell like Iruka did!

_This was so not fair_, the Gods hated him no matter what he did! What else could he do-

The copy-nin suddenly straightened up with a look which spoke of unbreakable resolve in his eyes. There was nothing for it. He'd have to do that**. **It was foolproof! And it _had_ to be done.

"This is for you, you heartless deities…" he murmured, narrowing his eyes at the plain white wash ceiling.

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><p>The next day the Konoha hospitals were overflowing. The medics were passing out from exhaustion right by the beds and all around the village people were getting hit by various objects of a pointy nature when they failed to make slow movements.<p>

Kakashi decided then that turning up early to a room full of twitchy ninja probably wasn't the best idea he'd ever had.

Who knew that the entire village believed that the day Kakashi Hateke was early was also the one it got attacked and destroyed?

Not him, that's the sure.

You would think he would have been informed of that little myth.

Stupid Gods.

And the week _still _wasn't up!


End file.
